Baby on Board

Going to school five days a week and having Alison do all the work at home is just as awesome as it sounds. Of course Alison says she's been taking care of a child ever since we've been married and adds that it's still the same amount of diapers with the only difference being that with Jackie, she doesn't have to worry about stubble.
Despite having such a sweet set-up, however, I am realizing that Jackie is subconsciously altering my life to the point that I don't feel like I know who I am anymore. I used to check YouTube every day in the hopes that someone had posted a new chimpanzee video, but now it feels so forced. Is this what life will be like for the indefinite future? To really bring it home, I thought I would compile a short list of the ways my life has changed since Jackie arrived.
 
Top 10: Things That Have Become Exciting Six Weeks After Having a Baby.
1. Poop... According to the medical industry "baby pooping" = "good parenting"
2. Diapers... Mostly as a side affect of number 1 (I was going to make a number 2 joke here, but my sensibilities got the best of me)
3. Sleep... I did not think it was possible to love sleep anymore than I already did, but I was wrong.
4. Ceiling Fans... You might think that a baby falling in love with a ceiling fan is just another predictable, recycled plot for a Lifetime network movie, but the ceiling fan has become a useful ally in our struggle for peace.
5. Eat, Wake, Sleep... Now that Jackie and I are on the same schedule, I feel like we are bonding better.
6. Scape Goats... Jackie is conveniently shouldering the blame for all malodorous discontentment. That which once divided us, has now brought unity to our marriage... for now.
7. Girls... There are enough things to fear when it comes to changing diapers, and it is nice to not have omni-directional urine to add to the list.
8. Breasts... So thankful I don't have them... So so so soooooooo thankful!
9. Burp Cloths... Not since college have I surrendered myself to ending the evening with someone else's vomit on my clothes. A burp-cloth within reach is like an extra chicken McNugget in your happy meal or finding $5 dollars in a jacket you haven't worn since last winter.
10. Quiet... If there was a ruckus nearby, you can rest assured I was probably causing it... Now... I find that living a normal life on one's tiptoes is one of the most under-appreciated art-forms.
 
We'll, I'm off to learn sign language because I am tired of being shooshed by Alison.